"It had seemed like the beginning of happiness, and Clarissa is still sometimes shocked, more than thirty years later, to realize that it was happiness; that the entire experience lay in a kiss and a walk, the anticipation of dinner and a book...There is still that singular perfection, and it's perfect in part because it seemed, at the time, so clearly to promise more. Now she knows: That was the moment, right then. There has been no other."
-Michael Cunningham, The Hours
In a consumer society like ours, we believe that happiness is just around the corner. We dream of being happy when we get a new bag or job, a shinier car or boyfriend, a bigger apartment or boobs. The grass is always greener--all we have to do is attain something (publish the book, meet the right guy, nab the corner office with the grander title), then, and only then, we'll finally be ahhhhhhh happy!
But what if you aim to be happy right now? What if, instead of giving your all to the quest of something in the near future that'll bring you happiness, you choose to be happy now? What if you stopped looking around the corner and truly basked in what you have now? And radically seek to be happy here?
I haven't updated Musings on Love in a while because I've committed my brainpower to and energy on the completion of my book, a memoir based on my journey of reconciling my past with my forming future. For years, I always thought that the next thing (i.e. moving to New York, getting my Masters, becoming an editor, making Aaron my boyfriend, publishing my book, etc.), would bring me ultimate happiness, that if I just put the work in and suffered long enough, that this all encompassing, deserving, life-altering happiness would be mine for the taking--and I'd bask in the warm sunlit beauty of optimal contentment.
I've come to realize that I've been very very wrong all along.